This morning I am getting ready to undergo my tests. I am not afraid of the tests, I've had them done before but I am afraid of more pain. As if 2, 20 inch rods isn't enough they want to inject dye in there as well. I've just about had all I plan on taking. I know God will see me through, but I am very short on my willingness to continue along this path He has chosen. I am looking for a new road.

Could be I'm getting alittle testy? I am not sleeping well at nights and can't get comfortable all day long, I do not want to live on pain meds so I try not to take them at all. I just want to be the me I was prior to both of the surgeries. I want to be fun loving, out going, driving, picking up my daughter whenever I choose and having a wonderful relationship with my husband. I hope I don't embarrass anyone but I want you to see what is taken for granted when you have any type of life changing surgeries. I am not exactly the same person. Not only do I now contain enough metal that price wise I could have retired to Missouri, I cannot act the way I did, sit the way I did, stand the way I did and so on.
I am not meaning to be complaining. God has led me here to this place for a reason, I am just one of those, who appreciates it when HE slaps me across the face and tells me what He wants me to do rather that the long drawn out process of an event like this. I am willing to open my mouth, my heart and my eyes to whatever He has instore for me but I'd really like to do it with a lot less pain.
My prayer: Father God, thank you for all that surrounds me, the air, the trees, my home, and all you have provided. Lord, thank you for my husband, without whom I would not have made it this far. Lord, you are my shepherd and I shall not want. ( will try not to anyway) Lord, take me to a place where I can see your face in these plans and let me know what it is you are teaching me besides patience so that I may begin your service. In Jesus name, Amen