Sunday, October 30, 2005
Wow, this verse really hit me. I have fallen to a very low place in life and can't seem to see anything from here but shadows. I suppose that should I visit a general doctor he/she could diagnose me as a clinically depressed person. I would believe them. I am depressed. I have reason to be depressed. However, I have forgotten along the path to this depression, that God is still with me. No matter how far I sink, or how low I get, He is there with me. I have forgotten that I can cry all I want to but unless I am truly crying out to Him, there will be no change. I talk to Him on an extremely regular basis. Hourly sometimes. I let Him know how bad the pain is and how tired I am of suffering. When I think I just can't stand it anymore, He sends someone to my side to encourage me. Usually my mom! Thanks mom. ( I will never, ever, be able to thank you and dad for all you do and have done for me and Paul and Kaylee. but I will keep trying).
I woke up early this morning, in pain and with some new ones to go with the old ones. This is not, by the way, a great way to start a day! I do always pray to wake up in less pain than I had when I talked to God last, at bedtime. Anyway, I looked at the clock and it read 6:42 am. I reached over to feel for Paul and he was not there! I was horrified. He is always home by 6:00 each morning after working graveyards. However, he has just worked his second double from evenings to graveyards and has been so tired that all I could think was that he'd been in an accident. I tried his car phone, I tried work, no answers at either. Finally about 6:51, I was so worried I tried the plant one more time and one of Pauls co-workers answered and said he'd just left right at 5:30. I explained that he was usually home by now and while silently praying, God reminded me that the time changed last night. So simple. I apologised to the girl on the phone and told her I needed to count more on my faith and what I had just realized about the time change. She didn't realize it either. Apparently her husband had changed all of their clocks before going to bed so she never realized it had changed. Paul was home safely on time!
Ok, I digress. I have come to the conclusion that pain causes more than just physical suffering, it causes mental, and emotional suffering and damage as well. I may be in chronic pain for the rest of my life. I will not live on medications. Besides, they are not really working anyway and they are bad for your liver and kidneys. I will try harder to depend on God's strength.
Psalms 51:11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me.
I will try harder to know in all pain that You are with me, that You believe in me and You have the understanding that comes with mercy and will allow me to see it when the time is right.
Psalms 51:12 Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Father, as I come to you this morning, I am so grateful for what you've allowed me to have and share. My family, my children,my friends, my home and all that you've given me. Thank you so much for Paul. Lord I pray your protection over him as he travels to and from work, and while he is at work. Lord, I ask that you keep on him a watchful eye and make him aware of dangers around him as he drives home after such long hours. Father, I thank you for my parents. I could not have made it this far without them. They have been my steadfast warriors through out my life and even as they age, they continue to be strong for me. Thank you God. Father, I ask that you would release me from the bondage of pain. That in your merciful ways, you would just heal whatever is causing the pain and suffering. I have faith that this is in your power and in your will. I will continue to pray for all whom are suffering and all who will continue to suffer and their families. Lord I pray that you would look into my heart at all the prayer requests there and answer them. Lord I pray that you will answer the prayers of the warriors in my hometeam (small group) and let them know how much they are appreciated. Thank you Father for all You do and for all You are capable of. I love you and in your precious son Jesus' name, I pray these things. Amen
This is how I rated on a quiz!
| You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.|
What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com
Sunday, October 23, 2005
I am Stuck on Achy, 'Cause Achy's Stuck on Me.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Sand........s of time......
Monday, October 17, 2005
Sorry I've been away.........
Monday, October 10, 2005
You are Franklin!
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words
I have a (few)fears of my own and as crazy as
it may seem, this one really gets me.
Parcoblattalataonacomodisphobia(parcoblatta lata= wood roach)
(on a= where you are sitting)
Friday, October 07, 2005
Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV) A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
Many people have heard the verses 1-9, but not too many read on to the next few verses. I believe that in life, there are also seasons. I have had many. I believe in these scriptures. I have been working on a (long) short story called, “My Seasons”, for quite some time and had intended to post it around Ian’s birthday. God had other plans. I was given a task to help the hurricane victims. Then, while in the midst of helping out, I had to help my own family prepare to evacuate. God has big plans for me and I am waiting for Him to give me the direction I need to the place He wants me to be. “My Seasons” goes something like this.
As a young child, I was given a season of blissful happiness. I was unaware of things other than what was immediately around me. It was a normal childhood. Until, one day we found out we were moving. Not just around the corner, or to the next city, but to another continent! Man oh man, what a change. We were sent to Salvador, Brazil. I easily made new friends, and began another wonderful season in my life. As a new teenager, I was diagnosed with Scoliosis. Scoliosis is a genetic spinal cord disorder that causes curvature of the spine. There were, at the time, only two methods of repair; surgery-which at the time required a six month stay in a body cast, or a Milwaukee brace-which goes from under the chin to the middle of the buttocks. We chose the brace. I wore it for four and a half years. An interesting season because I had to deal with myself as a whole and amid the suffering of being “different”, I still had to make it through school. It was not so bad, but there were times when I couldn’t do what the others were doing, and there were times when I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do. All in all it wasn’t so bad, but it made it harder to make friends, and especially during those years when it is “required” that you have a boyfriend, well, I guess you get the picture. Many of the boys were intimidated by a girl with metal bars up to her head and chin. Not the most fantastic way to look at this age but still, not so bad. Just another season. Life went on and I had many more seasons that were great and many that were extremely difficult. Some I will live with for the rest of my days and alone, I will face God for them. One of my greatest joys in life is my daughter Kendra. I was an unwed mother! It was a terrible season at first. My family was disappointed in me, my friends were unsure what to do or think, and I was horribly mad at myself. I was miserable. I turned back to God. I had been slowly turning away from Him for many years. I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t drink, I just didn’t believe God could put me through some of the things I had gone through. I used to wonder if He were real. Then on a truly blessed day, Kendra Jayne was born. She was beautiful and it was that day that I realized God had plans for me. He could not create something that beautiful without a purpose. She has now grown to a beautiful young woman with her own “seasons” to deal with and is learning that there is something God wants to use her for as well. A few years later, I entered one of my happiest seasons. I met Paul. Wow, God had incredibly placed the man I would marry right under my nose and I knew immediately that he was “the one”. We were married almost a year later and Kendra had a father and a daddy. I was happy. My next season was when we decided that we wanted to have a child. It was not happening. We tried everything that a couple can try. Medication, surgeries, homeopathic things, and many more I won’t bore you with. Ten years later, while working through a tough season of depression, anger, and resentment towards any persons, including my family, that kept getting pregnant, God answered my prayer. I was pregnant!! WOW!! I could not believe that 10 years had gone by and now, like one of the women in the bible that kept praying for a child, God had said, “Yes, now is the time!” We had a beautiful baby boy. He was born early, with some trying moments for Paul and I as well as the rest of my family. He liked throwing us curves. In every direction. He had some respiratory problems and contracted RSV virus. It dealt us some hard times and he was also put on a S.I.D.S. monitor. This caused many anxious moments for all of us. He wore the monitor for 9 months and seemed to have made it through his own season. He grew to be a beautiful little boy and was just wonderful to be with. He went every where I did for many years. Everyone loved him. He was just special. He could make anyone smile and he loved to talk about everything to anyone. He loved being outdoors, and would play with anyone. He never walked away from anyone without making them a friend. My family loved him, my friends loved him and my neighbors loved him. He was just a really lovable little boy. We loved him for seven years and twelve days. Ian had accomplished whatever it was God created him for in such a short time and then called him home. This was the beginning of the worst season of my life and I pray that another one of this magnitude never finds me. On the day of the accident, which was a Sunday, I received the last hug from him that I would ever get. I cherish that moment. Much to my dismay, a new season was upon me and I was not happy in the least with this one. I believe that I went through all nine verses in one year. We had so many “firsts”. The first Lord’s Supper, the first missed Christmas, the first missed day of school, the first missed Mother’s Day, and so on and so on…….on and on the firsts went. By the grace of God alone, our families, and our friends continued to support us for many months. When everyone else’s lives went back to normal, ours never did. It was no longer normal in any way. Everything was different. I saw things in others that I had not seen before. I saw some turning to Christ for answers, I saw some turn away from Him because there were no answers, I saw questions, I saw new life, I saw death! I had now looked it square in the face. I remember one of the most precious memories of the day after the accident as vividly as if it were just now happening. I asked to hold him. Ian was a very big boy for his age. He was five feet one inch upon his death and weighed 97 pounds. He wore a mens size six shoe. He was just a big boy. Anyway, the nurses pulled a big chair up next to the bed and disconnected him from the traction rods in his head and laid his somewhat stiff body across my lap and into my arms. It was like I was looking at a lifeless body already and my beautiful boy on the inside was already gone. I firmly believe that his spirit had already left to live with Jesus the day before but the body was there for us to have time to say our good byes. I was ready but not willing. I remember specifically, telling God that the spirit may be His but the body was mine and I didn’t want to let go. Then after just a few moments of talking to God about how angry I was and how much pain this was causing Paul and I not to mention what Kendra was going through, I realized something. This new season may not have been of my choosing, but God already had it planned long before I even gave birth to Ian. His time had come to go home. I told God then and there that He could have him. I thanked him for the seven wonderful years we had spent with him and that I would see him again on the other side of Heavens gates. Ian passed away about 35 minutes later. He died at 2:02 pm on the 18th of September, 2000. He was born on Sept. 6th, 1993. 7 years and 12 days was the time it took for God to use Ian, through his short lived life and in his tragic death, in a mighty way! I believe that without knowing it, Ian had planted the seed into the hearts of many people including some in my own family. Paul found Christ, along with several others that I have talked to in the past five years. I lost my son,(well, I didn't really lose him because I know EXACTLY where he is), but others, including my husband, met God. I will never understand this particular season but if I had to simply come up with an answer to help me sleep at night, this would be it. God is preparing me for a mighty work. I believe that God will put me in a position to use all the different seasons I have lived through to benefit His glory and His kingdom before I pass away from this earthly life to live with Him. My seasons are an education. They are the tools, God has used in my life to make me who I am today, that make me who He wants me to be, that make me want to be more like Him. My seasons are a part of the very core of what He is preparing me for. Be it counseling, or teaching, or just to listen to others who have to go through this same horrible season, then I will be prepared to do what He has chosen me to. There is so much more that I could write but as a blog goes, this one is already way too long.
I pray that you will learn from the things that God puts you through and instead of becoming bitter, become better. Allow Him to prepare you for your job, that you may accomplish it and return to Him when your time comes.
I am human, I am a sinner, and I am unconditionally loved by the Creator Himself. I may fall, but He will catch me and even carry me when needed, He will cry with me, He does cry with me and He is and will be my stronghold against all the seasons yet to come.
Ian, you are my gift from God and I will continue forever missing you, but knowing that forever is a limited time this side of heaven. I will love you forever and I will try hard to make you proud of me as a mommy and a child of God.
Copywrite 9/6/05 It is prohibited to copy all or in part for republishing purposes for any reason without prior permission from author.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
GREAT EMAIL OF THE DAY........
Be sure to lock your doors and windows at home! A man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes. A banana was sticking out of his butt.
Police suspect a cereal killer.
tHANK YOU, JULIE FOR THE EMAIL
Monday, October 03, 2005
TIME, is the one thing we probably take the most for granted and do not even realize it. Do you think at the beginning of each day that you will use all the seconds wisely, with God's plan for you at the front of your mind? Do you know that you have 86,400 seconds to use each and every day? I did not! I never thought about it. I recieved this email and really began to seriously consider how I spend my days. I waste over half of each day, sitting, wondering what to do and waiting for the right time to do it! What a waste! If I am to change my habits, I am going to have to start with considering how to most wisely, and with God as my guide, spend each and every waking second being what God wants me to be, doing what God wants me to do. I do realize that this will not always be the case. I am human, I will sin, I will fall short of His plans for me many times. I will disappoint Him and myself but that is what I know. I am not, nor will I ever, in this earthly body, be perfect. I want to please God, but I also am not an organizer so doing things in an orderly fashion will take alot of patience on His part to see me through this change. I am still struggling with pain, but I will strive to continue making the most of each second of each day that He blesses me with on earth. I want to be there for my husband, my daughters, my family, my friends and my home. I want to learn how to schedule my outings, my grocery lists, my meals, my time online, and my cleaning (of course, my least favorite). I want to wake up, say a prayer for doing so, and then begin my days with praise and gratitude for being allowed one more day to try to be pleasing to Him.
When you read this, take time to think about what you take for granted. Do you thank God for the little things, for the time you sat still in the traffic, for the long line at McDonalds, and so on? These are times that you can spend in a conversation with Him and/or, using a notepad, plan the rest of your day so that your time is put to better use than sitting around doing nothing.
I pray that God will keep and protect you, that He will grant all of us a measure of mercy for not seeing our lives as they truly are; a blessing! I pray that we, all of us, will learn to see our children with the same love that He sees us! I pray that we all realize how much He loves us and wants the best and wants us to have the best because we are His children. Yet He can only sit back and watch as we waste time. I pray that we can learn to adjust our thought processes to see that we can make much better use of our time. We need to be examples of His love, spreading "The Word" and bringing more of His children to Him.
Father God, thank you for each day that I awake. Father, thank you for my family and my friends, Father, thank you for the time we have had to think about what is important to us. Lord, I pray that you will continue to bless us with each new day and that we can see the beauty in our life through the sunrise, the sunset and the beautiful colors of the sky each and every day. Father, comfort those who are hurting, lost and lonely, be merciful to those of us who never seem to learn from our mistakes, be gracious to us when we do and continue to love us even as we sin and are guilty of neglecting You. Father, thank you for the liberties we have in America and I pray that you will place a ring of protection around each and every soldier that is in another place fighting for us to have these liberties. Father, thank you for being so forgiving. Thank you for sending your son to die on the cross for my sins. Thank you for living in me and thank you for loving me unconditionally.
In Jesus name I pray these things, AMEN.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM RITA.....
1.Harris County needs to pay attention to the evacuation routes.
2.If you can't go West, and you can't go East, and you can't go North, which way do you go (Sam), which way do you go?
3.Make a permanent list of the items you would take with you that you either did take or forgot to take and keep it with your important papers. (I kept thinking of things that I should have brought)
4.Have a cell phone chain of church friends so that everyone can keep up with where everyone is and pray that they are safe.
5. Everyone should have text messaging with their phones. It always worked when the lines gave you this message, "Due to a hurricane in your area, we are unable to process this call"! (Note, if you repeated the call about three times, it always went through! How is it that a hurricane in my area is there for 2 out of 3 tries?"
6. Ask your friends and neighbors to go along with you so that you have someone to "spell" you on the drive that normally takes 5 hours but takes 13 in an evacuation situation.
7. If Brazoria County were to have a terrorist attack, there is no way we'd ever get out fast enough so your choices would be one of the following;
a. go right now, immediately and run to the nearest army surplus store and stock up on gas masks, MRE's, flashlights, batteries and then stock up on water and other necessities and hope you have all you will need to sustain you for a long time cuz the government officials are going to take care of the less fortunate first to prove wrong all the current accusations.
b. bend over and kiss your American hiney good bye! (ps, while you are in the bent over position, it would be a good time to pray. Pray for the souls that started the attack to know the wrong in their deeds, as well as for forgiveness for your sins, cuz when you get to heaven and have to account for them, there should'nt be any you've not prayed for.)
GREAT EMAIL QUOTE OF THE DAY......
Saturday, October 01, 2005
GREAT EMAIL OF THE DAY.......
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he
was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing
when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life
isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not
kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using
mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student,
only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents
when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a
steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a
huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still
remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.
tHANKS JOHNNY, FOR THE EMAIL.