Praynlady's Blessings & Other Fun Stuff: IS HE 12 TODAY?.....or is he still 7?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

IS HE 12 TODAY?.....or is he still 7?

Today is the day we would normally be celebrating my son's 12th birthday. But that is not to be. Ian Kyndale Cooper moved almost 5 years ago to his permanent home with Jesus Christ. Each year on his birthday, I go to the cemetary and place roses out for him. This year was a little easier than the previous. I was already going to the cemetary to see one of my friends bury his 18 year old daughter, Kasey. After her funeral, Kendra and I went to the florist and I was greeted with a bright smile. It was weird, because I thought, how out of place, a smile. This was not a day for smiles. It is a day for tears. Tears for those that have gone before us, those that will be leaving soon, and those that will be forever in our hearts and minds that we have buried much earlier than ever expected. At the cemetary, we removed the flowers that have been in the vase (not real ones), I will clean them and use them again later. I sat down under the tree and started cleaning up the long stem red roses to replace them. I always buy 1 short of the number of years so that the last one is a different color. 11 red and 1 white. Amanda (one of my other "daughters" and one of Ian's big sisters, helped me finish up and then Kendra and I sat there on the bench under the tree that branches out over Ian's grave. It is a cedar. I am not really sure, but someone once told me that cedar trees were once considered a sacred tree. (Not sure who or where this might have been either!) To me, it is a special tree because it keeps shade all year round over Ian's earthly resting place. Ian loved trees and whenever we could not find him, that is where he would be, with whichever cousin or friend was over at the time. I still look up in "his" tree to see if he might be sitting there! Almost 5 years and still it sometimes seems like just yesterday, he was giving me the most wonderful hugs and telling me he loved me "to infinity and beyond"! Wow! My heart still has a giant hole that I am sometimes not sure that even God can fill. I have so many wonderful memories , I will share them later. I guess I kinda got away from the actual reason I was writing this post. What do you think about age at the time someone passes away. Do you think they will forever remain the age at the time or will they beome an adult, or will they grow older? I know that we will have "heavenly bodies" and that they will be free of all sickness and disease, but is there a common age that everyone will be when we die? Let me know what you think.
It is hard when a child passes away before the parents. Any time really. It is just plain hard. I for one, am usually wanting to talk about Ian, whereas my DH is still not really comfortable talking about him. I guess this postcould be considered a pitty party for myself so I would feel better. Either way, I think I do.
Ian, this is for you, my beautiful, precious son, I will love and miss you
"To Infinity and Beyond"!
Keep singin' and dancin' in Heaven, till I join you.

I love you so much,
I miss your gentle touch,
I long to see your face,
When I have finished my earthly race.

You are never far away,
I talk to you every day,
I keep your pictures on the wall,
Always on God's name I call.

Some day not to long from now,
I'll ne'er again have crease'd brow,
I long to see your big brown eyes,
To stop the sorrowed nightly cries.

When stars are shining in the nighttime sky,
I still look up, not asking why,
Just letting God know that I'm alright,
Until I take my heavenly flight.

He sends me signs of your sweet love,
When He shoots a star up high above,
I know that He has smiled at me,
As I stand there, under Ian's tree.
(Copywrite Colleen Cooper 9-6-2005)

I can't imagine your feeling of loss. Thank you for sharing.
I posted about this topic shortly after we lost Evan. I would put a link to that particular post but I don't know how to do it and Phillip is asleep. But basically what I believe is that they exist in a reality that we cannot even begin to grasp while we are still on this earth. My babies never even set foot on this earth, but I know they exist in some form in heaven. I do not, however, believe that they are babies, or fetuses, as the case may be. Because it would be difficult for them to serve God in that form. I believe we are not limited by such earthly things in Heaven. In Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis addresses the time issue, not related specifically to Heaven, but just life in general. But I think it applies to Heaven as well. He said if you imagine time as a line on a piece of paper, imagine God being the paper that encompasses the line and thus all of time from the beginning of time to the end. Is is possible that your Ian and my Evan are both babies, men, and everything in between all at the same time? It is way too much for us to understand. But there is one thing that I believe with everything that is in me. Ian and Evan have a knowledge and a fellowship with God that you and I can only dream of. Perhaps they worship God together in Heaven as you and I worship God together here on Earth. Isn't that cool?

You are brave to post about Ian. I know that he is your greatest joy and greatest sorrow all wrapped up together in a beautiful smile. But he does not share your sorrow. And Evan, or my two other unnamed babies, do not share my sorrow either. And someday, some sweet day, we will share the vastness of their complete joy.
Jenny, thank you for sharing that with me. I think you said what I was trying to figure out how to say. I would like to think it is that way. I would like to think that I will see him again in the last "form" I saw him, I know that the bodies shall rise at the second coming so I assume they will be reunited with the souls from heaven. On that note then, I would love to see him as he would be today, a young man, on the verge of becoming a teenager, I imagine already over 6 feet tall and with really big feet. Anyways, thank you for your thoughts and if you need help to figure out how to link, just let me know.
I was just thinking that maybe sometime if you'd like to, we could take the kids somewhere together. I think Kaylee and Jackson would have a blast together!? Let me know.
When someone dies, I usually think about them always being the age they were when they passed. In heaven, I'm not sure. I think Jenny's comment about the message by C.S. Lewis is a definite possibility. It makes sense to me.

Thank you for sharing your story. And I'm sorry for your loss.
Sarah, thank you and you are welcome.

What a great blog, LOVED it.......

I dont really know, but i think he stayed the same age???

I def agree with Jenny, the dimension is just too much our human mind and he is in another fellowship ,a alot deeper, a lot better with JESUS.......praising, dancin, laughin, prayin, tellin each other jokes.....

THANKS for sharing, your thoughts, feelings on something so personal.

GOD keep blessin u, filinf u with his PEACE, his STRENGH....
Hey Mommy! I am do glad that you were able to write that post nad express those feeling! The reason being is that, that one step begins true healing. When I was 5 years old My older brother Derek died, he was 8 years old. Me being five years old, I understood most of it but not all. I never grieved over my brothers death, besides the fact that my parents didn't allow us to. It was the summer between my 7th and 8th grade year that I grieved for him. I was at a school camp with Debi Satvinoha, who was Derek's teacher the year that it quit school because he was too sick. Anyway, we were asked, "If there was one day you could take back and relive to change something what would it be?" I was picked to answer first, my response was the day my brother died, I would change it and he would still be alive. After everyone went I asked if I could change my answer, to which I answered that I would take back the day that my brother got cancer because not only would he still be alive but he wouldn't have been so sick and in the hospital so much. I started cring and had to leave the group and go back to my room. Debi Stavinoha cam to my room and we talked about Derek. See, my mother and father never wanted to talk about him after he died. I was only five but I remember a lot of detail about everything that went on. Debi and I were able to talk about him and I was able to grieve. Two things that I have always wondered since his death are:

1)What would live be like if he was still alive and what things wouldn't have started happening that did?
(Still no answer, wont get one until I can ask God Himself)

2) Did he go to heaven? and What age is a child repsonsible for accepting Christ? and Will he always be eight?

(To which the answers are, as I believe to be truth, Yes he is in heaven because he accept Christ as his Savor. still no answer really but I beleive that God knows if a child really comprhends that they need to ask Him into their heart, and if they dont undersatnd they go to heaven. I believe that he has the heavenly body God gave him but I believe that he will always be 8.

I Love You,
Rose Cooper

P.S. We should talk about this when I bring you the boxes!
Beautiful post Colleen! Thank you so much for sharing it and the poem with us. I'm sure this has been a hard week for you!
Thank you all for your beautiful words. It amazes me today that when I share something from the heart, it can sometimes, make others feel good. Thank you for reading my posts. I feel blessed to have you visit.
Colleen, You make a mother, grandmother, proud. I love you. Your poems and post are beautiful. Mom
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