Friday, March 13, 2009
The first is the story of a young stockboy at a local retail store that chose me over any others. Me, older, with a young child of my own. Struggling to pay bills, working 3 jobs to finish my college class.
Me, crazy, mixed up and lost...ME.
He chose me...Why? Did he know that we would endure hardships beyond belief? Did he know that he would have to support me through trial after trial? Did he know that we would be tested to the end of the lines that held our anchor? No, but he chose me anyway. Now, as we approach 22 years together, I am able to see that it was not what we chose, or thought, or had in mind. It was all in God's plan for each of us. I used to wonder if I'd married the right man. I wondered if I just wanted to get married and he was in the right place at the right time. I still sometimes have self doubting moments when satan tries to confuse me and I briefly allow the doubt to creep back in. Then, I remember that if it were not meant to be, we would not be. We would not have the relationship that we do.
As we get closer to the 22 yr mark, I look at the past years and pray that we have many more. That God chose the PERFECT mate for me. God's plans already knew what we would endure, what pains, and sacrifices, and losses we would suffer. He knew the joys of childbirth, the joys of camping, the joys of adoption and the horrors of child loss. The destruction that could have affected our marriage, yet made it even stronger.
We are so different, and our choices are different but our hearts are as one. We love. We argue. We carry on. We still love. Even when our thoughts differ, we agree that we are just different that way. We are not like others, we do not have our lives mapped out. We go one day at a time. We are laughed at by some and a wonder to others, but we are together and we will go on!
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one other that I have ever loved so deeply and with such devotion, and yet I spend less time with him than I do my own husband. My heavenly Father.
I know where He lives, I know where He is, I know where I am going. I will one day, leave this earthly realm and sore across the heavens to live with my Saviour. To meet family that have gone before me. To see Ian again. To be whole and pain free. Never to cry again. EVER.
I know that my love for Jesus is all compassing. It's ever enduring. I know that I fail to show it on many occassions. I know that I fail Him constantly. I know that He will love me forever and ever amen! I know that He is the reason I am. I know that He is the reason I breathe. I know that His love for me is total, unconditional and free. I did nothing to earn it but it's mine. Jesus died for my sins eons before I was even born. Yet God knew that one day I would be born, and would have a mom and dad, sisters and marry and have children of my own...all along. He knew that Jesus was put on that cross for me. I did not deserve it, I still don't, yet there it is. He took nails that were meant for me. What other love could ever do that? What love could compare? None.
I am a very loving, big hearted, over trusting, never (well almost) faltering, piece of work that God's own hand created. What more can I ask for?!
That He will continue allowing me to have do-overs each day, to continue telling others about Him and His love, and to allow me many more years with my family if that is His will.
"Father God, I come to You tonight, with an open heart and an open mind, to thank You for loving me. To thank You for not allowing others to judge me, knowing that only You will be my judge. I can awaken each morning, knowing that whatever happens, You will be with me, ready to lift me up or carry me if need be. I raise from my bed, knowing that my pain will one day be for Your works. That what You teach me or lead me through, makes me stronger and more able to carry out Your plans for my life. I know that even when I do not seem to hear You, You are there. I need to know you are there. I love knowing you are there. I desire to be in Your service, doing what You would have me to do.
I lift up my pains to You, Lord God. I lift them up and know that one day when I walk those golden streets, I will feel this bodies failures no longer. I lift up my heart to You, seeking to love You more as I come to know You more. Each day that I spend my time with you, seems to draw me even closer.
Father, I lift my husband up to You. I pray that he will see You as the Creator of all things, good, bad and amazing. I pray that he will know how much he is loved by his wife, and most of all, by You Lord. That he would learn the freedom of speaking to You from his heart, openly and with a desire to hear You respond. I pray that he come to know how much he is appreciated for the things he has had to endure on my behalf. I pray that he understand that without him, I would not want to be here. I pray that he know that I am aware of all of his sacrifices and things he has not been able to do to make things work. I pray for his love to continue until we meet You.
I lift up my family to You Father. I lift up their joys, their pains, their fears, their brokeness, their struggles and their concerns. Father, I pray that you will comfort the ones that need comfort, heal the ones that are hurting, and speak to the ones that seem to have fallen by the wayside. Father, you know the ones I have heavy on my heart tonight, I pray that you touch them in some way to know that You are their Creator, their very own LOVE STORY. I pray that others will find You and that they will light the way for more to join Your family for the growth of Your Kingdom.
I pray for our government. I lift up those who are in charge of our nation, our country and our defense. I lift up those who have walked away from You and are trying to do things their own way. I lift up our soldiers, Father God, that you will place Your arms around them all and send them all home to their families and their loved ones. I lift them up for making sacrifices for our freedom. I lift them up for fighting for my right to pray, to serve and to share.
I pray that our country does not become a place where we have to hide our love for You. I pray that my children and their children will see You and the love You have for them too.
I lift up my friends Lord, that they know how much You love them, that You are showing mercy, grace and true love to them and that they can see it. That they can feel it.
I pray that others see that You are THE Love Story.
In your most precious son's name,
I am grateful for all of the LOVE STORIES in my life;
My mom and dad,
My brother in laws,
My neices and nephews,
and my friends.
Thank you for all being a part of my love story!